Exodus

Read it here.

Oh hi

So many things happened instantaneously in my life recently...

I called it our blessing in disguise. That at least for my husband and I.

And I know I'm not alone.

We're all in this together.

Family supports each other, through good times & bad times.

and we're in one of those bad times.

Blog readers, if any;

Thank you for still checking up on me.

PS: My favourite sing of the decade, "Seperti Dulu" Forteen

Easier said than done.

agony

Letting go.
It's easier said than done.
Even the weather agrees.

Today, I have to do something so despicable that I'm ashamed to acknowledge my adulthood.
But this little heart of my mine needs some space. And in order to have that I've got to let some 'things' go. Even if they're so dear to me.

Ya Allah ya rabb, please have mercy and release me from this agonizing decision.
So wrong it might be, I ought to, I must.

My furry companion, my joy & comfort. The ups and downs. Forgive mommy & daddy.
We have to let you go. We thank you for the prayers that you might have wished us all these years.
The 11 of you will be dearly missed.
Be strong, unleash the lion & lioness in you. If ever we crossed the same path do remember us.

Ya Allah, give me strength.
I have to.

I'm gonna miss you so much. Love you the most.

Root before Branches

by Room for Two

Just watched the Season finale of Glee season 3. Got caught up with the final scene between Rachel and Finn. And it teleported me back to 1999, at the Subang Airport. Then I made the decision to change my campus from Malacca to UiTM Kota Samarahan, my hometown. A little twist though, I didn't give up on the relationship I just developed with my then, boyfriend, Mr.Hubs. We cried at the departure gate and days went by with us longing for each other badly. But we took a chance and have faith during our  years of long distance courtship. We did not give up. We persevered and we got married.

Looking back, I was 19, able to think straight and made the right decision to come back home. I took a chance on love and I took a chance on success. I got both.

And now I'm 32. Things are not going as what I've hoped for. 

Is it just me or am I being tied down...

Tied down to what...that, I have to figure out myself. And I hope soon.

the lyrics...

When a heart breaks...

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you

What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok

I'm falling to pieces

I'm falling to pieces

You got his heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame

Now I'm trying make sense of what little remains

'Cuz you left me with no love, with no love to my name

When a heart breaks, no it don't break even

~ The Script

Would you rather be alone than unhappy?

There's a tremor in my heart...

"Ya Allah, let the Quran embraced my heart with serenity, let it be the light of my heart, the diminished of my grief and the disappearance of my sorrow..."

Nod to that

Sometimes the wrong choices take us to the right place... It's just the matter of moving forward.

KLIA International Arrival Hall

If...

...if I had my druthers, life is put to a halt at this instant, played in rewind and I shall fix everything that I should have.
But the universe does not work that way... there's no other way but forward.
And I'm learning, unfortunately in agony; of how life should have or could have been if I've had treated it differently.

In the name of Allah, most gracious, most merciful

By (the token of) time, (through the ages)

Verily, Man is in loss

Except, such as have Faith, and do righteous deeds,

and (join together) in the mutual teaching of Truth, and of Patience and Constancy

Surah Al-Asr

There's been a death in the opposite house by Emily Dickinson

This poem makes sense to me now...

There's been a death in the opposite house
As lately as today.
I know it by the numb look
Such houses have always.

The neighbours rustle in and out,
The doctor drives away.
A window opens like a pod,
Abrupt, mechanically;

Somebody flings a mattress out, - 
The children hurry by;
They wonder if It died on that, - 
I used to when a boy.

The minister goes stiffly in
As if the house were his,
And he owned all the mourners now,
And little boys besides;

And then the milliner, and the man
Of the appalling trade,
To take the measure of the house.
There'll be that dark parade

Of tassels and of coaches soon;
It's easy as a sign, - 
The intuition of the news
In just a country town.